As I’ve already mentioned in my last post there’s a lot of stuff that’s going wrong in my life. Those that know me will know that not only this isn’t the first time but also that I normally try to keep as much of my problems off the internet. The latter I am struggling with at the moment. In the past years I’ve shifted to asking Twitter or on other places for specific help and, Twitter’s always been helpful with things be it fixing my iPod, deciding on bottles of wine and other things I wouldn’t want to repeat in this blog I’m at least pretending to keep free of too much personal stuff!
I feel the crowdsourcing aspect of Twitter would be very useful at the moment, but then there are so many people that follow me on there that I don’t feel comfortable in sharing too much or even share anything which, seeing how much I’ve relied on it in the past, leaves me without being able to use it properly. Add to that a bunch of people I don’t want to unfollow because I’ve been following them for a long time and don’t want to hurt their feelings or be abrupt and it all becomes a bit pointless. Sure, I still get great information out of it and the local Twittervine is brilliant, but having to constantly censor myself is difficult.
I’ve said before that I’ve started to notice certain patterns in my life. Sure, I’ve put a lot of it down to bad karma this year and I have been more proactive about sorting things out, but there comes a point when I’ve realised I’ve done all I can do and it then comes back to making me realise it’s got to be me. There have been epiphanies about my relationship, or rather lack thereof, with my family or certain friendships or just how I generally end up getting myself into certain situations I really should have known better. But then I evidently don’t and every time it seems to be that much more.
What’s left now is to pick up the pieces and this is the part I’m worried about most. I’ve described myself as a bit of a nomad in the past and, if my trackrecord is anything to go by, that sums it up pretty well. Every time things got really difficult I’d move. Moving back to Reading was my attempt at normalising my life, being in the same place, settling somewhere for a length of time and breaking the cycle. The last months it’s been getting more and more difficult to stay in Reading and, with some recent developments, I’m struggling even more. Even a post from a month ago marking my return a year before that already has that coming through.
Looking into staying and making this work is a priority even though I’m not sure it’s actually the solution my nomadic self wants, but it’s better than being in this situation again years down the line.
In the meantime there might be less of me on Twitter or here. Or maybe more, who knows.