Life direction [or lack thereof]

This is another one of ‘those’ posts.

I can’t remember the last time I was actually happy with the direction my life has taken. I think it might have been when I was still at school though there was always school that I hated. Overall there always seem to be several things that make me unhappy.

  • There’s the friendship with my best friend has been difficult since the beginning of the year. It started with us having the first argument in the seven years we’ve known each other and then ended up me feeling let down by her when I really needed the support and friendship after the burglary. Currently we haven’t spoken in about a month and I can’t remember the last time I saw her. It feels a bit like I was the only one making the effort in the friendship and when I couldn’t due to needing her help myself it all went downhill.
  • My job. I like the basis of my job and its changing nature, but there are things about it I dislike, such as the extreme target driven environment and the internal lack of communication that complicates the simplest tasks hugely.
  • I’m disappointed that it was my birthday and only four people seem to have remembered plus a number of people that saw it on Facebook on the day. Now there are a large number of people that I know casually and it’s not them, but it’s the fact that only four people apparently care enough about me to wish me a happy birthday?
  • Lack of money is another issue as I’m currently switching from weekly to monthly pay and, having lent a friend some money for an emergency, I am finding myself with very little money for the next 11 days. So bad I couldn’t renew my Spotify subscription this morning and I’m now worried just having enough to live on for the next couple of weeks. Yes, I’m aware that Spotify isn’t as important as food, but I would go crazy otherwise so paying £5 for Unlimited seemed justified.
  • The anniversary of my mum’s death was last Wednesday and it affected me much more than I anticipated.
  • Unexpected things keep happening which seems to be adding to the overall pressure.
But those are just temporary symptoms, they aren’t the real issue. I’m not happy in my life and I keep waiting for it to improve, because at some point I’ve surely got to stop feeling like a hormonal teenager? After all, I am 28 years old now. I keep trying to be proactive and motivated and make changes in my life, but effectively it all ends up with me feeling like this. Though I’m not sure what ‘this’ is.
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