I should listen to that voice in my head more often!

Today would have been the 55th birthday of my mum. In order to distract myself from that I did ridiculous amounts of work and stayed late knowing I’d be coming home at the same time a friend was meant to come round. Who has now cancelled on me..

That’s a Facebook status update I made a couple of hours ago.

I’m a bit annoyed tonight for something that’s really my fault. There always has been a pattern with unreliable friends in my life – people who have known me for longer know that I have in the past travelled far just for friends to not show up and, most importantly, never apologise either. Or just day to day things that I couldn’t rely on them for any more.

I’ve lost three close friends in the past ten months. Lost them for arguments or other things and I’m getting over that. I have ‘reclassified’ other friends into unreliable categories and make sure that I don’t make plans with them any more or if I do make plans I know I wouldn’t mind if they’re cancelled or changed. Basically I’ve stopped making an effort with some which some of them have realised and it probably makes me a bit of a bitch.

Every now and then I don’t listen to that voice in my head called reason. Every now and then I think that maybe this time it’ll be different and even though I try to convince myself that I’m actually acting casually I get disappointed and annoyed at myself for letting this happen once again. Like tonight.

As for my mum’s birthday, I’m mostly all right with that. Working and procrastinating can do wonders. Maybe I should do work more often..?

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